Love does not have to follow a linear path. Blaze your own trail!!!
There are no rules for ideal love & Relationship. Yes, there are some basics like trust, understanding and mutual respect. Like every individual is unique so is their thought process and conduct. You simply can’t judge the efforts, the dedication and the intensity of emotions just because they are not as per the comparative standards you have set in your mind. We put our partner and our relationship through so much of unnecessary stress just because like other things in life we have declared a war about #CoupleGoals #RelationshipGoals too. Rather than preserving and enriching the good in a relationship, we are forcing ourselves to put it on the centre stage to perform to win some invisible and illusionary Trophy.
Someone has rightly said,“comparison is the thief of joy.” Comparison in relationships can put us in the feeling of inadequacy and scarcity. It further leads to ego-issues, blame-games, misunderstandings and then to those unfair and unmet expectations. It inhibits the growth both as an individual as well as a couple. It can be really dangerous because what you lose in the chase, my dear, is much more than what you actually can achieve.
Do you compare your relationship to others???
Many of us must be already aware of the concept but still, it couldn’t always stop us from doing it. We often get disappointed thinking, “oh! why we are not like them… they are so much in love.” We start wondering why we don’t do things as they do. Why we are not blessed with a life as comfy as theirs. Do other couples fight as we do?
Right ?? Wait, there is more to it…
And as if this was not enough, Yeah! we even compare our relationship with those romantic movies and novels too.
Why You should not compare your relationship to others…
1. Don’t Devaluate your own journey: What you achieved and how you achieved in this relationship should matter the most. What you saw together, how you grew and developed your bond, should be your concern, not theirs.
2. Encourage each other & don’t hurt: Appreciate & admire for all the good things your partner does. Value each other’s presence in life. Comparisons lead to criticism and unfair expectations which can be really hurtful and discouraging.
3. No two love stories are the same: Everybody is fighting their own battle, everybody has their own ways to tackle issues. Their situations and experiences are totally different from yours. Appreciate them, wish them well and in fact learn from them but comparisons and competition might spoil it all for you.
4. Don’t Believe everything you see: I am not saying people want to trick you but not every time you see somebody in love and happy, is true. You can’t know the reality regardless of the fact that how they present themselves in front of the world. Social Media, I tell you can be a farce.
5. Individual growth: All those comparisons lead to negativity resulting in unmet demands, envy, and irritation but above all, your individuality gets affected. In order to be like someone else, you lose your identity. You forget your strengths and your weakness overshadows you. Forget your growth as a couple, your basic individual growth here gets hampered.
6. Timing is a big factor: It’s their good, settled phase and you are struggling with few things at your end, maybe as a couple or as individuals. It’s ok. Everybody has their low and high phases. But understand, that it is wrong to compare your bad days with their good ones. By doing this you are only damaging your life and draining your energy.
7. The idea of a Perfect Relationship: They might be perfect for each other and might have a perfect relationship, no doubt but you are not them. You can not have what they have and it’s alright. Because your perfect relationship is what suits you and your partner. Every relationship is unique. Perfection is about celebrating happy times and conquering the odd ones together.
8. Missing out all the fun: You get so exhausted with these comparisons that you find only fault in your stars. You turn blind to all those happy and fun moments of your relationship. All you see is what you lack or what you don’t have and miss out on all wonderful things you already have. Shift your focus to all good things.
9. Waste of Time & Energy: Why waste your time and energy on unrealistic things and expectations that arise from comparisons? Why don’t put your dedication and efforts in resolving issues in your bond and try making it perfect for both of you? Why don’t work on fixing your relationship? Put efforts in the right direction don’t just waste them on some illusionary stuff.
10. It is Toxic and spreads all over: It’s an unhealthy practice, be aware if you have this unstoppable urge in your basic nature to compare your relationship with others. It can be really dangerous because when it will turn into an obsession you will never know. And, then you will start comparing your professional life with others, your children with their children, your house with their houses and so on and on. If you don’t stop and fight it now, it will be too late and you will end up losing all the good you have to chase the mirage of happy & perfect relationship.
Stop the comparisons and start enriching your bond ♥♥♥
Sometimes I myself am guilty of this. Like on social media, if I see any couple or any celebrity couple proposals, I feel and tell Mr Husband, “you never proposed me in this grand way.” It’s been more than 2 years we had been to vacations because of his new job and some other issues and whenever I see vacation pictures of other couples, I’ll say ‘why can’t we be like them just roaming around and doing nothing?’
He always gets that I am just upset and want to vent out. He then talks about all the wonderful moments we have had, all the fun we have still being at home and how blessed we are to have each other. And that’s my moment when I realise how true is that. What I have might be dreams of many I need to have a balanced view. I am happy and blessed to have a wonderful life and a wonderful partner who turns even ordinary moments into magical ones. And maybe, that’s a relationship goal too.
Here are a few things you can do to enrich your relationship:
1. What made you fall in love with your partner? Hey, write and let them know today.
2. Even during those worst times what made you hold on to each other? Admire and appreciate each other for all those wonderful moments.
3. Make a list of all those small and big achievements you made and accomplished as a couple. I am sure you will feel strong as a Power Couple.
4. Think and write down all those beautiful moments you shared that gave you butterflies in your stomach and be ready to fall in love again.
5. Maybe somebody is comparing your relationship with theirs, have you thought about it earlier? Note down your strengths and your own goals as a couple.
6. How you think your partner has helped in your individual growth and what have you learnt from them as a person. Let them know too. Gratitude is not at all overrated.
7. Pray together at least once a day so that you can count your blessings and know how truly blessed you are.
8. What about the throwback memories! let’s take a tour down the memory lane. Look at all the frozen memories in pictures and frame may be they will guide you to make new ones.
9. List down the names of the couples you admire and try to learn their good traits. Don’t envy but grow and learn from their experiences.
10. Respect and accept each other for who you are. Remember there might be something which accurately fit in the puzzle that’s why you guys are together. Fix the broken parts and exalt your bond and yourself too.
I am not asking you to settle for anything less than you deserve. If you feel that you are not being treated properly you should always communicate your views to your partner. But keep a check on your expectations and make sure they are not the result of overhyped #CoupleGoals or #RelationshipGoals. I agree that comparisons arise, it’s natural but how you respond to them makes all the difference. Appreciate others for the good they have, don’t envy them and also, be proud of what you have don’t whine for what you lack. Work on yourself and your relationship, analyse your strength and weakness. Craft and strengthen your own love story.