We always live in extremes.
Putting our heart and soul, we try to make everything perfect. We set our expectations and standards that high that they can’t be met. We don’t even realise when it becomes compulsive. Along with that, the fear of falling over keep draining our energy. On the other hand, if we talk about the another extreme, after a few failures we just simply give up and accept to be living in deficit. We build walls, shut down and isolate.
How many of us, apply the same rule of extremes in our RELATIONSHIPS too??
I agree that Relationships are all about feelings and emotions, to control and manage them is not easy. But it’s not impossible either. Since a relationship involves two individuals, it cannot be centred around the expectations of just one of them. If it’s all about you everytime it’s wrong, also if you always put yourself second and make it all about him/her that’s wrong too.
Extremes Are Easy, Strive For BALANCE
Yeah! I know the idea of Balance is so nebulous and hazy but, my darling it’s the Master Key.
Don’t Ignore The Warning Signs.
First of all, check the signs of imbalance. Though every relationship is different still there are some common signs that can be noticed. Also, a relationship while going through a certain phase can show some temporary signs of imbalance. In any case, it’s better to acknowledge these signs on time and act upon them. These signs may include behaviour patterns like;
1. Abusive Partner: Emotional or Physical
2. One partner maintains the power and control
3. Inequality and disrespect
4. Trust issues
5. More disagreements and fewer compromises
6. Unfair division of responsibilities and duties
7. You don’t operate as a unit or team
8. No space and independence
9. Restricted individual growth
10. Dissatisfaction & Discontent
As I said, every relation has a unique dynamics so there can be many other signs too, you are the better judge of your relationship and you can always feel where the things are going, right!! Trust your vibes.
Bring Balance To The Relationship Don’t Leave It Hanging In The Dark
Rule No. 1
Try To Know Each Other First– Oh! let me tell you if you have not realized it yet that assumptions and prejudices are the killers of happiness in the relationship. I think trust and space issues crop up because of lack of understanding of understanding. In the fast pace digitalised world we lost the value of giving time to know and understand the other person. We just want to believe that what meets our eyes is the only truth. Communicate honestly and give time to build a strong base for the relationship. Talk about each other’s expectation and problems regarding your bond. Knowing each other should not be followed by criticism or blame-game there should be acceptance, support, forgiveness and also admiration & acknowledgement.
Rule No. 2
It Doesn’t need to be ideal 50-50 – Yes you heard me right. See let’s be practical, a relationship is about being present for each other and be each other’s support when the time calls. if one partner is unable to give his perfect share the other should be there to fill the gap. Yes, it can be 80-20 too, there will be times when they will need you. But, the point is it should not be the one partner’s job only, efforts should be Mutual.
Rule No. 3
Neither he is a hero nor you have a magic wand, my girl– First thing first, manage the expectations. Don’t set your standards too high that it becomes a burden on the other partner. Take each other’s perspective into account. Understand the differences and try finding a mid-way approach. It should be about fair expectations and equal division of roles & responsibilities.
Rule No. 4
Growth As Individuals As Well As A couple- Make sure you are not losing yourself in this relationship. keeping your relationship as number one priority doesn’t mean you have to put yourself second. Please check if one partner is consuming all the energy and time in this relationship and the other one is just left with the job of problem-solving. A healthy relationship will always provide you with an environment of personal growth and self-worth. With time and two happy individuals, love and relationship also get mature and become even stronger.
Rule No. 5
Well, You Don’t Know It all- Don’t make your partner feel like their emotions and opinions are invalid and unwanted because you are perfect and you know everything. Check if you are dominating and authoritative!!! If only one partner is allowed to initiate the conversation and always want to have the last word, it can be really suffocating for the other. Don’t keep nagging about things to be done your way. Always give each other equal space and chance to take the decisions and be supportive.
Rule No. 6
Don’t try to be a Lone Warrior- No it’s not always brave that you are the only one fighting to maintain or to keep the relationship. Blind love is not a brave act. If you are the only one keeping promises, the only one who keeps on giving and providing in the relationship, the only one getting hurt and disrespected, the only one who is honest but is always cheated by your partner, they are always your priority where you are just an option to them then listen, my dear get up, and speak up. Talk the issues out that is actually brave, not silently sacrificing is. In a relationship, both the partners should be encouraging, supportive and sacrificing when it’s the time to take the call, keeping the Gender Roles aside, please.
All I am trying to say is …
Don’t overburden yourself, relax. This relationship is your life, I understand but it will only work out when you both try to balance out the odds. A relationship involves two people hence it is always better if you both put efforts if you both keep it as your number one priority. Of course, it doesn’t matter who does more or who does less but all that truly matters is you both put your heart and soul. You both support each other and work on the weak spots. Every relationship goes through ups and downs just keep holding on to each other and everything will be alright.
Love-life is like a seesaw it’s not just about the ups and downs but it’s the moments in-between these ups and down where happiness grows, where waves of laughter are heard aloud.